Writing is just shapes, speaking is just sounds

You know that game for kids, Kerplunk? The one where you can have all the marbles balancing on so few sticks. And when you pull that one stick all the marbles fall, game over. Well, that is what it feels like inside my head.
I feel as if I am only hanging on by a single stick - if that stick goes I really do not know what I will do.

If I am completely honest I am scared.

Scared of myself.

Scared of my thoughts.

Scared of the lack of control I have.

I wish that I could tell someone how I feel and not feel I am burdening them. There are so many people who are going through difficult times and I guess that they deserve the support more than I.

I have to be 'okay'.

I am supposed to be 'okay'.

People need me to be 'okay'.

But I am not.

I have to keep up the act that I am alright at school or people will ask questions. I have to keep it up at home or my family will worry. I have to keep it up at church or people will think I am being attention seeking.

I don't know how to deal with this. I am not the type of person to ask for help but here goes:
I really can't do this alone. I need help.