You need every small step to reach the finish line

After the turmoil of the last few months it would be easy to say that I haven't achieved anything, to instantly deny any positives, but that would not be truthful.

Last night, for example, i went out with my dad to see Milton Jones. Now that may not seem like a big achievement but, it was the first time that I had got dressed in anything other than trackies since the 30th of December last year. And what od even more important is that I enjoyed myself. Yes there was a substantial amount of anxiety involved in the evening but there was also a lot of genuine laughter.

Another example is that I have managed to get myself some paid work, i am actually contributing to society! I mean yes, it is only some media database work for my mums friend's company, but it is work all the same.

So, next time I try to call myself a complete failure I need to remind myself of these small achievements. Illness will not rule my life.

i believe an update is due...

Wow, it has certainly been a while since I posted this blog and it is safe to say that quite a lot has happened. I like numbers so here is a breakdown:

8 hospital admissions + 1 section + 5 suicial overdoses + 2 stays in the nut hut = the last 2.5 months.

So yes, quite am eventful few months. My mood had plummeted to an all time low, my eating has spiraled downwards and the negative thoughts are like never before. It takes all the strength I have to make out through each day alive. My college education has gone out of the window for the time being and myday to day like consists of sitting, drowning in my thoughts, unable to concentrate on anything, and going to copious appointments. Any control i had appears to have diminished. 

It has been a very tough few months and I am still struggling but I'm now forcing myself to pick out some positives. I have got a new regular therapist and he is doing some proper work with me and also been assigned a cpn. The continuity is helping me to feel more comfortable and I do believe that I could make some progress with T, my new therapist.
Also, i have some amazing friends who have been there for me even when I have been giving nothing back and I am eternally grateful for them.

So, a horrible few months but also active proof that even the darkest of situations, light can be found.